Her Private Life: Why I Love Ryan Gold

K-DramaK-Adoptee

Aug 5

“An art curator’s life unravels, as she tries to keep her pastime as a die-hard K-pop fan secret from her gallery’s new director.”

— Netflix

Her Private Life (Netflix & Viki)

Where do I start with Her Private Life? I thought this was going to be a lighthearted K-drama about a K-pop fangirl. In fact, the first episode’s early introduction to fangirling had me wondering if this was going to be too cheesy for me. Turns out while there are many fun and humorous moments, the depth of HPL’s storylines caught me completely off guard.

**SPOILER ALERT: If you haven’t watched Her Private Life (which I highly recommend) I suggest you wait to read this post because I can’t write about this K-Drama without giving spoilers. The spoilers will definitely impact your viewing experience and it’ll be much more enjoyable if you see it first, then come back to read this post. From here on out you’ve been warned—SPOILERS AHEAD!

I’ve been a fan of Park Min-Young (박 민영) since I first saw her in City Hunter and What’s Wrong With Secretary Kim so I was pleasantly surprised to find her portraying Seong Deok-Mi, the fangirl trying to hide her love of “One” certain K-Pop idol. I really appreciate the fact Deok-Mi is a multi-dimensional character and not just the stereotypical fangirl most people assume they already know. As an art museum curator with a once-promising future as an artist and a knack for photography—Deok-Mi goes to extreme lengths to keep her love of Cha Si-An, and her fan website, Road to Si-An, a secret. Because how ridiculous would it look for a grown woman to be fanning over an idol? As someone who loves K-dramas and BTS, I can definitely relate to Deok-Mi.

“Fangirling means you’re happy and blissful just by looking at that person. Looking at the person makes you happy and joyful. You wish for that person to do well and you like to see them smile. ”

— Seong Deok-Mi, Her Private Life

Honestly, at this stage of the game, I don’t really care what people think of me—but this hasn’t always been the case. As a Korean adoptee growing up pretty much a sole minority in Iowa—the majority of my life has been spent feeling like I don’t fit in. Kids used to ask me if I was Chinese or Japanese and when I’d tell them I was Korean, they hadn’t even heard of Korea. My kids (who are half Korean) have had similar experiences with many of their peers not knowing much about Korea. As singer-songwriters and the folk-pop duo, Chasing Lovely, they’ve been somewhat surprised to find Koreans can even sing. Okay, that’s an exaggeration, but they question why there have been no prominent Asian American artists in the pop market given what they’re seeing in K-Pop. Who knows how their musical journey may have been impacted—had they not felt so isolated—by having Korean artists in America as role models.

The lack of positive Asian role models in American media also had me buying into the notion that being Asian isn’t so great because all I had were my own experiences. I was constantly teased for my Asian eyes and nose. I was spoken to in a fake Asian accent followed by laughter. Other than the occasional exotic stereotype Asian women are straddled with (which is actually creepy), much of the time Asians are portrayed as a joke in American entertainment productions—certainly not something I would want to identify with. I was literally afraid to have kids because they would be a mirror image—an Asian reflection I myself was not comfortable with or used to seeing in my home, community, or on my TV.

When I discovered K-dramas a year ago I could not have been more surprised (and embarrassed by my ignorance) to realize Koreans are multidimensional AND attractive. As my youngest has teased me, maybe to some extent I am reliving my teen years, but I’m making up for a lot of lost time. Everything Korean is on-trend these days—K-Pop, K-Dramas, K-Beauty, K-Language, and K-Food—and I for one couldn’t be more pleased. My kids also marvel at this turn of events. So yeah—I’m a fangirl. I guess you could even say this website has turned into my own 한국으로의 길—Road to Korea—an ode to my love of discovering everything Korean.

When Deok-Mi’s boss Ryan Gold learns of her obsession with Si-An he was not only NOT put off by it, he supported her in her passion. Deok-Mi explains to Ryan, “fangirling means you’re happy and blissful just by looking at that person. Looking at the person makes you happy and joyful. You wish for that person to do well and you like to see them smile.” I don’t know if this is the exact quote, but it is what Viki translated it to be—and I couldn’t agree more. I’m only a year into my K-drama journey, and half that into my appreciation of BTS but I’m doing nothing to keep the fact I am unabashedly a fan of Lee Min-ho, Park Seo-Jun, Hyun Bin, and BTS members Kim Nam-Joon, Kim Seok-Jin, Min Yoon-Gi, Jung Ho-Seok, Park Ji-Min, Kim Tae-Hyung, and Jeon Jung-Kook. The pure joy they bring to my life while long overdue has been at a time we all need something that can put a smile on our faces. I find myself bursting out in laughter, clapping, and even fist-bumping with my kids when they’re watching or listening with me. The latter sometimes involves much use of the rewind button. ㅠㅠ

Now let’s talk about Ryan Gold. He’s the real inspiration behind this post. It wasn’t until doing a deep-dive on Kim Jae-Uk (김재욱) the actor who portrayed Ryan Gold, that I realized he was one of my favorite characters in Coffee Prince, No Seon-Ki. I had heard the name Ryan Gold mentioned in a couple of K-Dramatics Club rooms on Clubhouse but didn’t remember anyone talking about him being a KAD. Not only is Ryan Gold a K-Adoptee—he is the strongest Korean adoptee character I’ve ever seen in a K-drama. And it shows me someone in Korea gets it, someone in Korea understands—in the very deepest sense. Ryan Gold is a K-Adoptee who grew up in the U.S. and to say I was surprised by the depth of this character would be a major understatement. If you look at the description on AsianWiki, Netlfix, or Viki there isn’t even any mention regarding Ryan Gold being adopted. But his K-adoptee storyline was front and center, not just a footnote. In fact, I would go so far as to say, this could’ve been titled His Private Life—that’s how integral Ryan’s history is to the storyline. Kim Jae-Uk portrayed Ryan so beautifully, I cannot rave enough about his performance from the subtle facial expressions to the heartwrenching sobbing.

One of the first things noted about Ryan is how his name sounds when spoken by a native Korean speaker. There is no “R” in the Korean language, the closest thing is the rieul “ㄹ”—a character that combines the “R” and “L” sounds, so when you say Ryan with a Korean accent it sounds like lion. Ryan is frustrated every time his name is spoken after he moves to Korea to become the director of the Cheum Museum of Art. I have to admit it took me a bit to embrace this part of the storyline because making fun of an Asian accent is one of the biggest ways Asians are othered in the U.S. When someone speaks English with an accent it means they know a second language, but many Americans are largely arrogant in their assumption that an accent from countries of color somehow indicates an ignorant person while British and French accents are seen as glamorous. The irony as to where the ignorance lies seems glaring, but tune into any number of American movies or television shows with an Asian character speaking with an accent and you’ll find much of the time that accent is the punchline to the joke—a way to poke fun and make them look as if they’re stupid at worst or at the very least, less-than. Ryan eventually embraces his Korean peers’ love of his alternative name, “Lion,” and I was able to as well because it was like an inside joke. When you consider this K-drama was made to air on Korean TV to a Korean audience, it gives you a different perspective. You often hear people referring to Ryan as saja (사자), which means lion in Korean. I think Ryan’s early frustration with the mispronunciation is a nod to the fact this is something that would’ve brought pain to him in America. I would say the writer was very intentional in naming Mr. Gold and hopefully people will pay attention to all the little Easter eggs that can be found throughout HPL if you’re paying attention.

One side note to mention on the topic of English pronunciation of Korean names. Nearly everywhere Kim Jae-Uk is mentioned online his name is romanized as Kim Jae-Wook. The “W” sound in Korean is not one specific character like the “W” in English, so the romanization of 김재욱 as Kim Jae-Wook is wrong because there is no “W” sound and it’s actually pronounced as “uk” or “ook.” I’m sure Kim Jae-Uk gets just as tired of hearing his name mispronounced Wook, as Ryan did hearing his mispronounced as “Lion.” If you check out his Instagram account you’ll see jaeuk.kim (김 재욱) with no “W” in sight. The mispronunciation of Korean names is a pet peeve of mine—but I digress. You can however keep a lookout for that blog post—another topic on my list of things to eventually cover.

While we’re on the subject of names, revealing Ryan’s Korean name was another very poignant part of Her Private Life. Deok-Mi asks Ryan if he really doesn’t remember his Korean name. He tells her “it feels like a stranger’s name he has never once liked, it sounds like someone else’s.” Most K-adoptees were renamed by their adoptive parents and given a name that matches the country they were adopted to. Ryan goes on to tell Deok-Mi his Korean name is Heo Yoon-Jae (호윤재). Keep in mind this is the only name he knew for nearly seven years until he was adopted to the U.S. Some adoptive parents choose to keep a portion of their child’s Korean name, I have many K-adoptee friends who have chosen to incorporate their Korean name with their American name or completely revert to the name given to them at birth once they’re an adult. Ryan isn’t comfortable revealing his Korean name which I can relate to. I wouldn’t even tell my kids when they asked. Not only did it feel like a stranger’s name, a Korean name was another thing I could be teased about. I started to come to terms with my Korean name back when a Texas legislator was suggesting Chinese voters change their name to make it easier for “American” workers at the polls to pronounce. You can read more about that in this post, Texas Lawmaker Wants Asian Americans to Change Their Name. It is common for Asians to adopt an English name if they live here. Even Park Min-Young went by Rachel when she studied here in America and she still uses Rachel on her Instagram profile. On the other hand, my ever-evolving identity has me including my Korean name, Moon Soon-Ja (문순자) on my social media profiles and on this website.

The scenes that turn on the waterworks for me are watching Ryan remember his childhood in Korea before he was adopted to America—especially the scenes where he’s left at the orphanage. While I was only a year old when I arrived in America and have no conscious memories of any of my time in Korea, I know many K-Adoptees who were old enough they do have those memories. Remembering their mom taking them to the orphanage but keeping a baby sister. Remembering being put on the plane and then being reprimanded when they tried to say the Korean name they were being called was incorrect. Remembering being dressed in their best and then left on the street and told not to turn around as they were being abandoned. I could go on and on.

Throughout Her Private Life, we see several scenes where Ryan is struggling to see his mother’s face—struggling to remember what she looked like. Initially, when a painting starts triggering fuzzy scenes in his mind he’s not even sure what they are. I have a non-biological K-adoptee brother who was at least three when he came to this country. We’ve only talked about being adopted once, back in 1999 after I attended The Gathering—an event that brought the first generation of Korean adoptees together for the first time in Washington D.C. Our mom has always told us how it broke her heart as he cried for his “eoma” (mom) after he first came to America. As he learned to speak English he started telling them about Korea. In our one conversation we’ve ever had about Korea and being adopted (21 years ago) I asked him if he had a picture of his birth mom in his mind and he said he did, but he didn’t know if it was real or made up.

When Ryan is finally told the story of how he came to be “abandoned” he wonders if he can believe his mom. There’s so much shame surrounding Korean adoption this is one thing I struggle with as well. Can we ever really know the truth? I have yet to see a K-drama feature an adoption storyline where the parent just flat out abandons their child. Every single one I’m aware of has a heartwrenching reason why the parent despite not wanting to—gives up their child or loses them and they end up being adopted outside of Korea. Is it even possible no one willingly gave up their children? Were they lost or stolen, were all the single mothers and poor families convinced their kids would be better off in America? Even if the first Korean adoptees were legitimately abandoned we can’t ignore the fact this has not always been the case as noted in this AP article back in 2019.

Though it was given much less attention Nam Eun-Gi, played by Ahn Bo-Hyun (안보현), was for all intents and purposes adopted as well, even if not officially. It shows an alternative storyline where a child was taken in by a Korean family and raised beside their daughter (Deok-Mi) while his single mother (who was unable to fully care for him) maintained a limited presence in his life. Nam Eun-Gi even calls them eomma and aboji, the Korean words for mom and father. Eun-Gi has his issues but he does not seem to carry the same level of emotional trauma Ryan does. Eun-Gi’s storyline also seems quite intentional but I’m not sure how many people will pick up on it enough to realize the comparison they’re being shown. Another point raised through Eun-Gi is the question of whether he ever thinks of his biological father. The subject of Ryan’s biological dad is never brought up and Eun-Gi saying he didn’t think much about his dad lines up with how many K-adoptees also view their adoption story—with the emphasis being on our birth moms. I didn’t really wonder much about my own biological father until I found out in 2014 (via 23andMe) I was not mixed—as in part white. I am in fact 99.9% Korean, so that also changes the options of the potential narrative of my story and why I wasn’t raised by my Korean family.

K-dramas literally changed how I see myself, the country where I was born, and Koreans in general. The positive impact led me to want to learn to speak Korean, cook Korean, and even live in Korea. I don’t want to just be a tourist. The same as Ryan Gold I want to live in Korea (for at least a year). I want to immerse myself into the culture so I have a better understanding of the country. For me, Her Private Life intersects my love of K-dramas, BTS, and being a K-Adoptee. It wasn’t much of a leap from K-dramas to K-pop, though admittedly, unlike Deok-Mi, I don’t have just one favorite. BTS, Lee Seun-Gi, and OSTs dominate my Korean Artists playlist on Spotify.

To bring this to a complete full circle, when it comes to Ryan Gold, I am a fangirl. And I can’t thank Kim Jae-Uk, Park Min-Young, Ahn Bo-Hyun, and the rest of the cast for such a heartfelt portrayal of the KAD experience. Watching was truly profound for me. 감사합니다! 💜

Would I watch it again? I have seen it three times—so far.

Which actor was on a reality show to audition to become an idol trainee and left because they preferred rock music to pop?
Which actor is a rapper, singer, and songwriter?
Which actor was half of the 2014 KBS Drama Awards Best Couple winner for their role in Healer?
Which actor majored in music at the Seoul Institute of the Arts?
If you’re in Korea check out these scene locations from Her Private Life.

Released: April 2019, Episodes: 16

Cast: Park Min-Young Seong Deok-Mi, Kim Jae-Wook Ryan Gold/Heo Yun-Jae, Ahn Bo-Hyun Nam Eun-Ki, One Cha Shi-An, Kim Bo-Ra Cindy, Park Jin-Joo Lee Sun-Joo, Kim Mi-Kyung Ko Young-Sook, FULL CAST

**UPDATE** 8/6/21 Watch this deep-dive I did on Her Private Life via Noona’s Noonchi Instagram Live with Jeanie Y. Chang, LMFT, CCTP.