Happy Birthday BTS ARMY & Me

July 9th is ARMY’s birthday. BTS fans are celebrating nine years of ARMY in 2022. July 9th is also my birthday. Kind of.

I have two birthdays. July 9th is the date noted in the introductory letter from Holt to my parents when they were describing the baby girl available for adoption from Korea. It’s on all my legal documents including my original Korean passport, my adoption decree, and my naturalization papers. But in 2000 when Molly Holt sent me the little bit of information Holt had in their files from Korea, my birthday was noted as May 29th. Unbeknownst to my parents or me, it had always been right in front of us on the baby picture the orphanage took with the card propped up in front of me with my name and 5-29 written below it. I’m guessing it was assumed it was a file number. Where July 9th came from we’ll never know…

You’d think having two birthdays might mean twice the celebration—and in the last couple of years, my kids have been sweet trying to recognize both. But in some ways, it feels like neither day is very legit. I’m not used to celebrating on May 29th but knowing July 9th isn’t really the day I was born—that day doesn’t feel very authentic either.

However, one of the best things about my July 9th birthday—and probably one reason I will always claim it to some degree—is because I share this date with BTS ARMY. It’s the day ARMY was officially born. 💜

There’s so much I could write and say about BTS and how they’ve been one of the major forces of change in my life and how I see myself. But I’m getting ready to go back to Korea for the first time tomorrow—so I’ll keep this brief.

One experience I mention frequently in the journey to discover and channel my inner Korean is how kids used to regularly tease me for having squinty eyes. Actually, many adults did as well. It’s the physical feature I’ve been most uncomfortable with my entire life. The shape of my eyes is a dead giveaway that I don’t fit in. And making fun of them is the easiest way to tell me I don’t belong.

Then comes along BTS. For me only about 18 months ago—they were another Korean thing I had no interest in. Until I did. And then I found myself going down that rabbit hole everyone does who takes the time to listen to their Korean songs. Last year I came across this GIF of Jimin that is absolutely adorable. But what stood out for me are Jimin’s eyes. Ever since discovering K-dramas (after watching Crash Landing On You) my self-image has begun to change for the better. Being able to see people who resemble me in a positive way has been life-changing. Seeing this GIF of Jimin may have been the first time an image made me feel a personal connection. The way Jimin’s eyes disappear as he smiles reminded me so much of myself—but it didn’t make me cringe or feel embarrassed. That was a big leap.

Something about the image of Jimin also reminded me of a picture of myself when I was around five years old. I hated the pixie haircut (my mom probably gave me)—but all these decades later I realize I looked like a Korean boy!

BTW, Jimin and I were both born in Busan! I can’t wait to go visit the city where I probably spent most of that first year of my life.

This year I will spend July 9th taking care of last-minute preparations for my first trip back to Korea. So we’ll wait and celebrate once we land in my home country on the 11th. Somehow I feel like this one’s gonna feel more authentic even though we’ll be a couple of days late.

Happy ARMY Day 💜 7-9-22