Ditch the Dye: My Process, Tips, And What To Expect When Going Gray

Thanks to the coronavirus pandemic I haven’t styled my hair since mid-March. It’s been about six weeks, but why bother if I’m not going to be out in public? The occasional trips to the grocery store don’t count—and truth be told—I just don’t care. With the addition of my DIY face mask, no one knows who I am anyway. In the age of COVID-19, they say hair color is the latest thing people are hoarding. Thankfully, that’s not me.

This blog post is long overdue. While revealing the ugly truth about what it’s like to go gray is something I’ve been meaning to address for quite a while, this is actually great timing because NOW is the perfect moment for you to undertake this daunting task.

First: the good news. If I had known how many compliments I would get once I let my hair go gray, I might not have been so fearful. I’m coming up on my three year anniversary of ditching the dye, which means I’ve been receiving compliments for about two years—and I love it. I love my natural hair color. I love the compliments. From women, men, teenagers, boys, and girls—folks go out of their way to tell me how much they like my hair color. It would make anyone feel good! I love not spending time or money on trying to cover the beautiful silver I unknowingly hid under a color that was dull and did nothing to make me look younger. While it was one of the scariest decisions I’ve ever made, I’ve not once regretted it and will never go back.

Now for the bad news. The first thing you need to know if you’re considering joining the silver sisterhood—you’re not wrong to be afraid. I went through what I would describe as a year of “hair hell” growing out my natural color. If you don’t look good, you don’t feel good. Next to body weight, hair probably impacts most how we feel about ourselves. But during this time of being sheltered in place is the perfect time for women to bite the bullet, pull the trigger, jump off the cliff, and find out what they have waiting for them. I’m not going to lie—it’s not going to be pretty. You’re going to hate your hair and probably feel a bit frumpy. But if you’re like me, there’s a good chance you haven’t been feeling that great about your hair even when there are no gray roots showing. Think of it as your “ugly duckling” phase and remember there’s an inner swan just waiting to be released. Take advantage of your empty social calendar and working from home because this is your best opportunity to do much of it in private. It will give you time to adjust before you head back out into the world once it’s deemed safe for us to venture out again. How beautiful would it be to see more silver sisters? If you’re reading this after the fact and the coronavirus pandemic is but a bad memory, I still say to go for it.

My hair was a bit past my shoulders when I decided to take the leap. Having grown it out from a short hairstyle the year before, I wanted to try and retain the length. Coloring hair gray has been a trend with the younger set for several years, so I figured if they can turn their hair gray with such great results—how difficult could it be for me? The number one thing to know before you start this process (and another reason why you might want to cut your length) is it’s easier to remove natural color than manufactured color. I’ve been coloring my hair in some shape or form since I graduated from high school so there was nothing natural about my color when I started down this path. I highly recommend you not try to remove color at home no matter how many YouTube videos you watch that make it look easy. Also know it’s not cheap to have a reputable colorist do this and it’s generally not a one-time thing.

My first attempt was to have a heavy “highlight” using bleach on foils (as recommended by the colorist). The idea is this would make my roots less notable while they were growing out, but I would need to repeat this process several times in an effort to slowly and safely remove the brown color from my hair. Not only is this an expensive undertaking, now that I had made the decision to go natural, that plan was also trying my patience. I had dreams of my hair looking glorious like the muse my daughter, Taylor, had found for me, so this was not really working for me. FYI. Going gray does require patience. A lot of it.

I did a couple of Olaplex 3-step stand-alone treatments at home to keep my hair as strong as possible and used Aveda’s Damage Remedy Restructuring Shampoo and conditioner.

When I went back to the salon for a haircut, my roots were a couple of inches long and I was talking with the hairstylist about what the previous colorist had done. I wondered if there was a quicker way to obtain my goal. This stylist also happened to be a colorist, and she thought it would be fine to bleach all my hair in one sitting. Keep in mind, I was still dealing with applied hair color which is difficult to get rid of, so the lightest she could get it without melting my hair off was what I would describe as a pale blonde with very yellow tones. One section of my hair ended up having a chunk in the backside melt off a few inches. That resulted in me cutting my hair to a short bob length, but still long enough for a ponytail (which became my go-to hairstyle during this long year). I continued to do the stand-alone Olaplex treatments to keep my hair as strong as possible. The first slideshow below shows what my hair looked like towards the end of July, 2017.

Once my roots were grown out more significantly, my colorist foiled a few very fine low-light “peppers” into the blonde to try to match the darker strands that were growing in amongst the lighter gray and silver. These “pepper” strands were more of a brown tone and not pewter like my natural darker gray. I don’t understand why the various shades of gray are only achievable through toners on platinum hair and no one has been able to make various shades of gray in a permanent hair color.

Once the gray had grown out halfway down my head I began using Aveda’s Blue Malva Shampoo to counteract yellow tones and keep the gray bright. As the gray started taking over, I began slither layering the bob in order to remove the blonde and pepper strands I was still dealing with. Unfortunately, there is no magic wand when it comes to going gray. If your hair is on the longer side, patience and ponytails are what you will need to make it long enough to get to the other side. If I had it to do over again, I would cut my hair. I would also forgo trying to remove the color and just put up with the roots. The long and short of it (pun intended) —I recommend you cut as much length as possible to shorten the period of time I like to call “hair hell”. All the bleaching, low lights, and conditioning treatments could’ve been avoided if I’d been willing to cut my hair. Ironically, I ended up cutting it shorter after the fact because of the damage done from trying to remove the color and realizing I was not meant to be a blonde. I’ve since had a few friends with shorter hair who’ve ditched the dye and their journey to achieving all-over gray has been significantly quicker. Figure out the style and length you want after your natural hair color is fully achieved. Either way, the end result is totally worth it.

What was once my nemesis turned out to be a blessing in disguise. The last few years of coloring my hair, the gray popping out at my temples like spotlights (within a week!) made me want to curse. In my new, natural look, the hair around my face is nearly white and provides a wonderful frame and the contrast is somewhat striking against the majority of grey (that I would describe as titanium in color).

Maintenance requires a shampoo with blue tones, such as the Blue Malva by Aveda. If budget wasn’t a factor I’d only use Aveda, but to save money I also use Clairol’s shimmer lights. I have always liked a heavy conditioner, so I switch between Aveda’s Cherry Almond Conditioner, Smooth Infusion Conditioner, or the more budget-friendly Argon Oil Moisture Repair Conditioner.

My secret weapon is Roux Fanciful Temporary Rinse in True Steel. I think this product is responsible for little old ladies being known for having blue hair back in the day. While it’s been around for a long time and probably has somewhat of a bad rap, I’ve found it gives a richer tone to my darker grey hair (I only use this on the back half of my hair, not the front). It took a bit of experimentation to find the best way to apply it. Squeezing directly was never an option because it streams down your scalp. So I tried putting it in a small spray bottle. This required me to put a towel around my neck and be very careful not to spray in such a way that it would splatter on the nearby wall. Then I noticed they make a mousse version, so I decided to pour the liquid type into an old Aveda Phomollient Styling Foam bottle. This turns the liquid into a foam which I can easily place exactly where I want it and it doesn’t get on my scalp, shoulders, or the wall. It’s temporary and washes out completely when you shampoo. You could buy a foaming bottle on Amazon or use an empty foaming hand soap bottle but make sure you rinse thoroughly and run plain water through the pump until there’s no soapy residue before using.

I use Aveda Smooth Infusion Style Prep Smoother as a styling product so I put that in my palm, add the foamy Roux temporary rinse, rub my palms together a bit and then pat it on the back section of my hair. I run my fingers through to make sure all the product is dispersed. A few sprays of Aveda Volumizing Tonic on the top of my head (my main go-to styling product) and finish with a couple spritz of Aveda Brilliant Medium Hold Hair Spray on my bangs once dry.

If you’ve been thinking about going gray, wait no more. If you hate it, you can always go back. If you’re like me, your patience will be rewarded and you’ll never look back. Once the gray has grown out you can choose the ultimate hairstyle you want. Part of that choice will probably be influenced by how much gray, silver, and white you end up with. Choose a style that compliments your new natural color and makes you feel good about yourself.

Are you thinking of taking the plunge? Leave me a comment and let me know how your journey is going.

I pretty much had a ban on photos of myself during my going-gray year but I have just enough to see the progress in the slideshow below from dark to silver.

Disclaimer: This post doesn’t really qualify as K-Beauty unless you count the fact I’m Korean. But ditching the dye is not an easy process so I’m including this in the K-Beauty category so the post is easy to find.